The GAYVNS: The Oscars of Gay Porn

Just four days after the Oscar Awards, I was off to yet another awards ceremony. But the awards in this event were not being handed out for excellence in Hollywood filmmaking, but for excellence in something entirely different.

The GAYVN Awards are held annually at RAGE nightclub in West Hollywood. Honoring the best in gay porn, they are the year's biggest, most fabulous event, often irking those who cannot get in (the guest list is notoriously limited to nominees, press and AVN/GAYVN staff). As exclusive and "prestigious" as the event is, though, it's really not much more than an excuse for folks to get sloshed at the free bar and ogle at the (fully dressed!) porn stars who mingle about. The award "show" itself is a joke. Host Chi Chi LaRue (God love her) plows through the awards so fast that there's barely time for her to catch her breath, and there are none of the fun and games in the form of comedic sketches that populate the Oscars (and even the AVN Awards, which are held annually every January in Vegas). Not that I should complain. As one of the GAYVN judges, I get to attend the event and even flirt with some of my favorite porn stars. Though it sucked that I had to wait in line for 35 frickin' minutes to get my food, I really can't say that I had a bad time.

For the most part, I spent the evening hanging out with my good buddy Kelly, otherwise known in the porn world as Tag Adams. Being from the same hometown, Kelly and I (who, for the record, did not meet until just two years ago, 3,000 miles away from Gettysburg, PA) have a rather humorous outlook on the "glamour" of the gay porn world. It's easy to get caught up in, but we recognize it for what it is and we enjoy ourselves accordingly. (Read: We sit in the corner and whisper about how tragic everyone else is... KIDDING! We love you all!) This year, Kelly wasn't even going to show up. But, since he had just signed an exclusive contract with Raging Stallion Studios, RSS decided to fly him down to get a headstart on promoting their hot new stable boy. As it turns out, it was a good move: Kelly was there to accept his award for Best Oral Scene for his work in Falcon's Bang Bang. (Yup, he was essentially deemed the year's best c*cksucker. Gotta love the gay porn awards.)

There weren't really any "upsets" like at the Oscars. Everyone had pretty much predicted that either Chi Chi's Wrong Side of the Tracks or Michael Lucas' triple-X remake of Dangerous Liaisons would walk off with Best Picture. As it happens, both movies won the award in a tie. What's funny is that Chi Chi and Michael can't stand each other. Michael is always saying horrible things about Chi Chi (and basically everyone else) in his notoriously addictive blog, and Chi Chi does her best to hold her tongue and take the high road. But when these two stood onstage next to each other while accepting the award they had both won, it was priceless. You could cut the tension with a butter knife; it was that palpable. When Lucas accepted his award, he thanked all the judges who'd voted for him and then told all those who hadn't to "f*ck off." Oh my! And then, as if that wasn't hysterical enough, an obviously inebriated J.D. Slater (porn legend-turned-Raging Stallion-partner) took it upon himself to stage a one-man revolt and started throwing ice at Lucas. (He later apologized to Lucas, and this week sent out an email to everyone in the industry apologizing for his obvious lapse in judgment.)

I was a bit disappointed in some of the winning titles. Personally, I thought Best Sex Scene (Duo) should have gone to the brilliant seduction sequence between Spencer Quest and Luke Pearson in Joe Gage's amazing 110° in Tucson, while (allegiance to Kelly aside), I thought that the sizzling chemistry between Ken Mack and Damon DeMarco (my new porn crush) in Gage's Alabama Takedown should have taken the top honors in the Best Oral Scene. but what can I do? I can only vote. Hell, if I had my way, Joe Gage would have won in every category he was nominated in. As much as I love Chi Chi, Michael Lucas, Steven Scarborough and all the others, nobody in this business understands the true nature of sexuality like Gage does. He is the master at staging realistic seduction scenes that make me feel like I'm reliving my first time all over again. The man is simply the best porn director who's ever lived. But, even though not all of my picks got picked, I was all to happy to stand around checking out all the eye candy. And when you've got dirty-boy studs like Tim Rusty and Jacob Slader making out on the RAGE patio with their shirts off (that's them, pictured above left), it simply doesn't get much better than that.

After the awards, we made our way over to the Abbey for Chi Chi's after-party. We had to wait in lines for what seemed like HOURS (in fact, it was at least 30-45 mins) to get in (yes, even someone as "powerful" as myself had to wait in line, but so did Steven Scarborough), but once we were inside, it was more free liquor (oh, how I love free liquor!) and even more hot men to look at. (Colton Ford was there! Colton Ford was there! Yup, that's him above on the left with Kelly and daddy of my wet dreams Parker Williams.) Chi Chi was spinning some pretty good music (in addition to her usual selection of Pat Benatar and Joan Jett, she even played E.G. Daily's remake of Donna Summer's "Sunset People"), and everyone -- even those who didn't win awards -- seemed to be in jovial spirits. Then again, when you've got an open bar and some of the world's hottest men crammed into a tight space together, it's kinda hard not to crack a smile.

Though I hear that lots of people ended up at Chi Chi's condo for an after-after-party that lasted until sunrise, Kelly and I decided to ditch the festivities after about an hour and a half and go for a bite over at Canter's Deli. Which suited me just fine. After all, there really is just so much that a red-blooded gay man can take in before his head threatens to explode from overload. An evening of sex and debauchery with a bunch of award-winning porno studs might seem like every gay man's fantasy, but a late-night snack of a turkey burger and fries (with ranch, of course) with one of my favorite people in the world was just what this former dirty puppy needed to bring the night to a close. After all, there's always next year for sex and debauchery. True friendship doesn't come so easily.

XOXO,
Hollywood Ken