Saturday, September 10, 2005

The Lethargy of Ken

Wow. Has it really been over a week since I've posted a new entry? Gee, what's up with that? Me, who loves to talk about myself, forgetting to talk about myself? What's the world coming to, right? LOL!

I've actually been in a bit of a funk lately. Just kind of lethargic and not really energized to get much done. I think it's just the post-dating blues, trying to get myself back to a place where I am grounded in what it is that I need for myself right now. I don't know why it's so hard to get to that place, but for me, it alawys has been. I let things affect me too personally. And then there are those deep-rooted insecurity and self-esteem issues that I still wrestle with. When am I going to be good enough? Or am I, and I just don't know it? Weird how human beings let such things become so important to them, but I suppose that's our struggle, isn't it? To question and strive to be "good enough."

There's a song on the new Liz Phair CD Somebody's Miracle (I got an advance copy b/cuz I'm interviewing her Monday morning) that really exemplifies this struggle that I have. It's the title track, actually. I have to share the lyrics here, b/cuz they are too perfect.

I'm so far, so far awy from it now
That it seems like I may never know how
People stay in love for half of their lives
It's a secret they keep between the husbands and wives

Baby, there goes somebody's miracle
Walking down the street
There goes a modern fairy tale
I wish it could happen to me
But I look at myself, wondering if I'm just too weak
To have such faith in myself

Ahhhh, Liz, thanx a lot, babe. Thanx for putting it into words for me and summing it up so succinctly. It's the thing that I love so much about music, that I wish I could do. I would give anything to be able to sit down with a guitar and put a song like together and express those feelings in a three-minute song that people would sing along to and feel like they weren't so alone in the world.

Actually, Liz's music has always been important to me. She writes from such a place of honesty and truth, it's impossible not to go there with her. She isn't afraid to lay her faults on the line and say, "Look, I'm a f#cking mess, and I guess I should claim that and be proud of it, b/cuz it's who I am. But I'm working on it." I guess that's all we can do, huh? Just work on it.

Anyway, I'm really excited to be able to chat with Liz on Monday. It's an interview I've been trying to get for the past two or three years, and it's finally happening. As my editor at Frontiers said, "Liz is like the indie Madonna." Indeed, not many women out there sing about such emboldened sexuality with quite the panache that Liz does. As much as I love Alanis Morissette, I think she always wanted to try and be as "shocking" as Liz, but that's the thing: Liz isn't shocking. She just writes and sings about the feelings that she has that nobody else has the nerve to talk about. Perhaps that's why I relate to her so well. People often tell me they are shocked by the deeply personal things I reveal in my writing and indeed, here on my blog. But I don't know... what else would I do with all these thoughts if I could't share them? I suppose that's what artists do. We share, so that the rest of you don't have to. Haha.

Let's see... in other news... well, there's not a whole lot of it. Oh, I have been made the new music columnist for Lesbian News magazine. Isn't that funny? I suppose this makes me an "honorary lesbian" (just what I've always wanted). It makes sense, though: When I was first coming out, the music that I really connected to and that helpled me in my coming out process was that of Disappear Fear, Melissa Etheridge and especially the Indigo Girls. There weren't any openly gay men singning about being gay back then. Come to think of it, of the bands I mentioned above, only Dispppear Fear was an "out" band. Melissa and the Indigo Girls came out later. (But, please, we all knew they were dykes all along. God love' em!) Anyway, I turned my first column in this past week, and it was fun to write. God knows I love my female singer-songwriters (as much as I love my hot rocker studs), so this column is perfect for me.

Well, hmmmm, what else has been up in my La-La Life as of late? Actually, not a whole heckuva lot. I think the most exciting thing that I've seen or done in the last week or so was going to the wet shorts contest this past Thursday night at the Gauntlet II, where I got to drool over this totally hot guy who won the conest.

Now this guy was pretty f*cking adorable, I must say. The whole package. As most all of my friends know, I'm definitely not one to worship at the feet of muscles or anything, but I have to say this guy's body was quite flawless. I was looking at him thinking, "OK, I could live with that." LOL! And his smile? Dang! Nothing like a hot smile that lights up a room to give you a bit of hope, right? Wouldn't you agree? His name was Corey, and he was a Mormon boy from Utah. Nothing like a good ol' Mormon boy from Utah. You just know when those boys get out into the real world, they go WILD!

Anyway, I think that's about it for me today> I don't really have much else to say right now. Hopefully I'll have some great things to report after the weekend (I'm just gonna take it easy this weekend, get some writing done, work out a little bit more, and try and feed my soul with some chicken soup) and my interview with Liz on Monday.

So talk with you all soon! Stay well!

Hollywood Ken


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